Juvia's Pain
by AnonymousOtakuFangirl
Summary: My interpretation of Juvia's reaction to Gray's rejection. 'It's better to act annoying on purpose than when you're yourself.' Angsty and fluffy Gruvia. Oneshot. First fan fiction. Welcome prompts. Review. Favourite, follow if you want.


She fell in love with him. He made the rain stop. She saw the sun for the first time. The warmth was something she yearned for her entire life; he provided it for her. He was a kind and gentle person who loved his comrades. He brought her from the darkness into the light. He saved her. She would see how happy his guild made him. She would watch him from afar, adamantly admiring his muscular torso and his silky, ebony hair. She found his scar just above his eyebrow beautiful and was always curious about the new scar on his hip.

He captured her heart just over seven years ago. She devoted her life to him. They fought together. They helped each other. They got along. She thought she lost him when he sacrificed himself for her after the Grand Magic Games. Even though his impending doom was prevented, it was all too real for her. She never wanted to lose him. The pain was unbearable.

They were at the ball after the world was saved from total destruction by the Dragons. She had changed her image slightly for a 'new age' so he could notice her. All she ever wanted was for him to acknowledge her, for her to make him smile and be happy but he ignored her. He constantly rejected her feelings but she didn't stop pursuing him. That is until he told her something she thought she would never forget for the rest of her miserable life.

''I'm entering a new age too. When I don't like something, I'm going to be brutally honest about it,'' his eyes were so cold. Juvia fell face flat on the floor while everybody's attention was centred on their interaction. Juvia was humiliated and mortified. Her heart crumbled as he nonchalantly returned to whatever he was doing. The water mage's eyes stung with hot tears and a huge lump formed in her throat. She couldn't react the way she truly wanted to. She had to make sure things didn't become awkward between them and she needed to act like everything was okay and that she could laugh it off. And that she did.

It's better to act annoying on purpose than when you're yourself, she told herself. She knew she was acting like a fool but she didn't care. The crowd's focus was veered elsewhere because she was not worthy of their time and curiosity.

Juvia never forgot that moment. She knew he died for her, but wouldn't he die for his other guildmates? She went back to how she always acted so no one noticed but even she reasoned that one bad thing cannot outweigh all the good and she would carry on devoting her life to him.

That night, Juvia went back to her dorm before the others could. She changed into a nightgown and let her bangs fall over her eyes. She let the suppressed feelings of the whole dragon invasion and the rejection pour out. Not wanting to be loud, she covered her mouth with her hands as she sat against the wall of her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest. Tears fell, sadness consumed her. She hated this part of herself. It reminded her of when she was the unwanted Rain Woman. She constantly felt like she wasn't fully accepted by Gray-Sama because of her contribution of the destruction of the old guild hall. Maybe, he really did love Lucy and he still hated Juvia for what her guild did to her. But she loved Lucy like a sister and was always guilty about what happened regardless of whether she was her love rival. She was her love rival because there wasn't any competition anymore. Juvia's body wouldn't stop shaking as her tears streamed down her face, seemingly endless. She bit her lip really hard to stop sounds from escaping past her lips.

Knock knock, she heard from the door. She was a mess. She decided to pretend to be asleep but the person who was knocking did not give up only increasing the frequency and volume of their knock. Juvia did not have the energy to be her cheerful self so she wiped her tears and splashed her face with cold water before drying off and pushing her azure tresses behind her ears.

She put on a smile that hurt her cheeks and forced her eyes closed as she opened the door. When she opened them, they widened so much with shock she had to remind herself to be normal. It was Gray and he was also surprised. His eyes seemed to soften as he saw that she had undoubtedly been crying. Her eyes were nearly bloodshot and they were red and puffy.

She swallowed thickly. ''Gray! I-I mean Gray-Sama, what are you doing here?''

His heart clenched. ''I noticed you weren't at the ball. I was worried something might have happened to you and I figured to check the dorms first.''

Juvia's heart fluttered until she forced herself to give up hope because he made it painfully clear he didn't even like her, let alone love her. ''No, no, no, you didn't have to worry! Juvia is fine! Gray-Sama does not need to trouble himself for me. Gray-Sama should be enjoying himself at the ball with his friends,'' even she could hear how forced she sounded. She tried for a big smile but failed when her lips quivered. So she just settled for a small smile and closed her eyes, trying so desperately to look okay.

Gray looked at her. His throat hurt at trying to stop his own swell of emotion at the sight of her trying to hide her sadness. He cleared his throat, ''J-Juvia, I just had to know you were okay.''

He didn't even think she noticed that a tear spilled out from her eye. It rolled down her cheek. Usually, he'd react in a comedically, uncomfortable way when a girl cried to try to cheer them up, but this wasn't the time to act like that. She was hurting; he couldn't undermine her when she was trying so hard for him not to worry. ''Juvia, were you crying in here alone?'' His voice cracked at the end but he swallowed quickly. Her eyes shot open and she stuttered before she couldn't even speak as her mouth open and closed not knowing how to answer.

She opted for silence. She pressed her fingertips to her cheek, feeling a warm wetness. Gray was scratching the back of his neck as he cocked his head to the side trying to get a better look at her. He didn't know why he was so concerned for her. He told her he didn't even like her in front of everyone at the ball so she could finally get the message and stop annoying him, but at that time, he pitied her. Then, it dawned on him… Could it be…? No. Oh my God.

She let her fringe obscure her eyes as she bowed her head. ''Juvia will be fine momentarily. Enjoy yourself to your heart's content.'' She hesitated before adding, ''Gray, please...'' She let a few more tears escape as she rubbed at her eyes, anxious to make them stop falling. Her petite frame shook. Her voice was thick with woe. Laughing hysterically, she said, ''I'm so silly! Juvia doesn't even know why she's crying. Juvia is just suddenly sad. I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid…'' She then started to truly cry in front of her beloved Gray. Juvia looked up and she saw it. That was enough to make her angry and it rubbed salt in her broken and wounded hearts.

''Juvia...''

She interrupted him. ''Don't. Don't look at me with those eyes of your's. Please, don't tell anybody. I'll stop being a burden to you. Please, just leave and pretend this didn't happen. I'm fine. I'll be fine by the morning. Goodnight, Gray-Sama.'' Her voice dripped with bitterness as she hurriedly closed the door.

It hit his foot as he opened the door wider and pulled her head to the bottom of his chest as his arms wrapped around her frame. Her eyes were wide. Gray was hugging her! Something she only dreamt of, yet she didn't let herself be happy. He would have done this for anybody. She wasn't special. Juvia wasn't special to anyone. She pulled away first, pushing him back gently.

He went inside the room and closed the door behind him not wanting anyone to see her so vulnerable.

''Juvia, you're certainly not a burden. What's gotten into you? You're making me worry. Who upset you this much? I'll punch their teeth in.'' She sat on her bed as he followed behind her.

''It's ironic. The person who broke my heart is the one who's worried about it.'' She laughed and smiled. It wasn't bitter and it seemed genuine. Gray's heart stopped for a moment.

''Are you sad because I rejected you?'' He asked, carefully.

She didn't answer for a while. ''I'm sad because after all that time, I couldn't take any hints until you pointed it out. I'm sad because in that moment I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. i'm sad because my love will always be wasted on people who don't even want or need it. I'm sad because I'm still the Rain Woman that no one likes. I'm sad because I still have a rain cloud that brings everyone around me down. I'm sad because I lost seven precious years of my life. I'm sad because I could've grown up, and got married. I'm sad because I could have had a child in those seven years. I'm sad that I hurt Lucy and I helped destroy the old guild hall. I'm sad because I will never find someone who will help me fill the loneliness countless people I trusted made in me. i'm sad because my parents cursed me with the rain and just abandoned me in an orphanage, not caring about how I was so confused and didn't know what was wrong with me. And, Gray, I'm sad because I'm alive. Why me? I know I'm being selfish but I-I-I just c-can't take it anymore. Why can't anyone love me? What did I do? Am I being punished?'' She looked so wistful and vulnerable. Sobs racked her whole body as she clung to Gray's shirt for dear life. She wailed into his chest.

Gray had no idea just how lonely Juvia must've felt. ''I'm so sorry. I-I didn't… Juvia.'' He knew he wasn't acting like himself but he was so overwhelmed with guilt and shame. ''You're such a cheerful person. I didn't even once think you, of all people, would be this upset. I'm so so sorry, Juvia, please believe me when I say this. I shouldn't have said that, especially in such a disgusting manner. That was a dick move. Please forgive me. It's hurting me how much pain you must be in right now and how much pain you've already had in your life. I know, it's hard with those seven years gone. Everyone growing up, them moving forward. It felt like we were still stuck in the present but it was actually the past. You're an angel sent from Heaven that has blessed my life with so much happiness. You have all of Fairy Tail. They're your family. You're not being punished. I know it hurts you and I'm so sorry for being the cause of it. But Juvia, I'm not someone who deserves a love so pure and beautiful like your's. In the end, you'll die because of me. Everyone who was ever dear to me are now six feet under: my mom, my dad, Ur, Ultear. I don't ever want you to be on that list and if I can help it, no one else will be on that list either.'' He grabbed Juvia's chin, who was then calm. ''Look at me. Listen, I love you so much it hurts. I know that sounds so cheesy and corny but I don't even care. It's true. I love you, Juvia Lockser. I will always love you. But I don't want you to die or worse, die for my sake. I love you, I hope you can truly believe me and I'm so sorry for causing you such sadness. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and you have every right to be mad.'' He grabbed Juvia's thighs and made her sit in his lap as he leaned back against her bed.

She was blushing profusely as was he. ''Juvia is so happy! Thank you. Thank you so much Gray-Sama. You saved Juvia again, Juvia only wants to make your life happier. If I had another option other than death if it meant saving you, I'd always take the option that would let me live to love you for another day and make you happy. You deserve it. But please don't feel obligated because you feel sorry for me. You could be honest.'' She looked down.

''That makes me happy,'' he gave her a big grin that made her heart swell. ''I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm not proposing… yet. But I promise I will never stop loving you and I will make sure I make you Mrs. Fullbuster.'' He pressed his cold lips to her soft, plump ones.


End file.
